Feb 10, 2012

I'm Hearing Voices - Emotional Flash Fiction

For today's task, we need to write a 250 word piece of flash fiction that makes the reader really feel the emotion.  This is something I had to cut because it just wasn't working with what I had going in my WIP, but thought it might as well end up somewhere - why not here :)

Once again, thanks to Cassie and Angie for hosting.  This was LOTS of fun!


Judy walked out of the mall into the car garage.  Pastel pink bags adorned one arm and she dug through her purse, cell phone clamped between her shoulder and head. She was laughing with someone over the fun they were going to have at the baby shower.  She wandered up an aisle and paused and walked back. 
“Well, it looks like I did it again,” she said. “I swear honey, there should be tracking devices with these keys.  I know, dear but it’s my first grandbaby and I just can’t help myself. I promise, if  I can’t find it in the next few minutes, I’ll go ask security.  It was just so embarrassing last time.  Yes, sweetie, it is better than wandering through all the parking garage for hours.  Okay, I’ll call you when I get home. I love you too. Mm-bye.”
Judy placed her phone in her purse and turned around one more time, looking at signs on concrete columns.  She began to walk toward the door when the echo of gunshot startled her.  A large dark SUV came speeding around the corner from an upper level, stereo deafening, windows rolled down.  Judy tried to duck behind a car, but the SUV slammed to a stop, backing up around the corner of cars. She crouched lower. A muscular, heavily tattooed arm came out of the window, gun in hand. 
“Please,” she uttered.
The reverberation of a single gunshot was interrupted by screeching rubber.




32 comments :

Miranda Hardy said...

Wow! Love the action and suspense.

Hildred said...

Niiiiice.

Kyra Lennon said...

Beautiful! It started off quite happy and excited, and ended with a massive change in feeling! Great job!

Sarah Pearson said...

Love the way you altered the mood so abruptly.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Oh crap!

RachelMaryBean said...

Whoa. Didn't see that coming!

Emily R. King said...

Poor woman. She didn't stand a chance.

Sarah Ahiers said...

Aww! I feel so bad for her!
Great job, though! Really good tension

Clare said...

WHAT?!

This was excellent!!

It starts out so happily and carefree, with Judy's excitement over her grandbaby.

Then BAM. With those few lines you change the tone entirely.

Excellent. Thanks for sharing.

Margo Kelly said...

YIKES!

So ... you're telling me that if I can't remember where I parked ... I'm DEAD?!

Oh my! Nicely done.

Elizabeth Seckman said...

You're playing on my worst fear, that something really bad could interrupt a seemingly perfect day, fear. Thanks and good job.

Tara Tyler said...

no way! where does the story go from there?

she didnt even have time to be scared!

great job!

have a hearts & flowers weekend!

Melissa Ann Goodwin said...

I need to know what happened! Well done.

Morgan said...

Veerrry fun, Tasha! This blogfest has been awesome. I've loved reading all the entries! :D

Susanna Leonard Hill said...

AHHHH! What a dreadful way to leave us hanging! Why did they shoot her? Did they kill her or just wound her? Will she get away, be saved, not live to see her first grand baby? Awesome job Tasha!

Ashley Nixon said...

Aww. I hope she's okay. This makes me sad.

Angela Cothran said...

I love how you flipped the emotion from happiness to terror. Nicely done!!!

McKenzie McCann said...

Holy cow. More? More? More?

Cassie Mae said...

Oh my gosh! I actually screamed 'Holy Poo!' and scared the crap out of my son. I'm so terrified and I want to keep reading. You send me this chapter, yes???

Holy mother hannah.

Deana said...

Oh gosh Tasha, this is so sad! She was all talking about her little grandbaby and then she got shot! Oh, I am depressed. This definitely evoked major emotion in me. Great job!

Gwen said...

Talk about an awful day! Poor Judy. ;_;

Jenny S. Morris said...

Ugh, poor lady. If she'd only had her keys.

Jess said...

That was intense at the end!! Very suspenseful, too! I feel bad for Judy :(

Great job!!

Cortney Pearson said...

YIKES! Sooo good! And scary, I definitely didn't see that coming!

Jess Stork said...

I like how imagery driven this is... I can smell the burning rubber and hear the shot echoing in the parking garage through your words.

Tyrean Martinson said...

Wow! What happened?! Why would they shoot her? She seems so innocent. I want to know more . .

Carol Kilgore said...

Sheer terror.
Excellent :)

Lisa said...

I agree, now I'm scared to lose my keys or my parking spot!
Nice surprise/switch.

Donna Hole said...

Quite an intense, emotional roller-coaster. Loved the twist at the end. I've spent many hours looking for my car in a parking lot :)

I read the other two entries too. Joe and Annie seem interesting character; loved the brief introduction to "here" and that they are now ghosts. I think they are ghosts?

And Allison does seem like a sweetheart. My MC Amy was also the hardest to write; a bit too wimpy, but I can't make her too strong or there wouldn't be a story. Its been a cunnundrum.

Good luck with this story. It does sound interesting.

.......dhole

Leigh Covington said...

Holy, WHAT?! AHHHH! Talk about a twist. Now I'm dying here! Dying!

Arlee Bird said...

Not a good thing to happen.


Lee
Wrote By Rote
An A to Z Co-host blog
Twitter: @AprilA2Z
#atozchallenge

The Capillary said...

Wow, that left me in some shock! I loved it.