Mar 6, 2012

Platform Building - Second Challenge


This is the second challenge for the Platform Building Campaign, and it was a little trickier than I thought it would be.  You can jump over here to see the requirements.  I completed the extra challenge, except it is a short story with a twist instead of a poem, combining challenges 2, 3 & 4. 

I would love to have critiques and I have thick skin, so let me know what you think.   

We arrived in an enormous burst of water. We were under the remains of concrete bridge; through his dripping wet hair I saw the hint of recognition in his eyes, but by the time I checked the cut on my leg, he was gone.  It was only be moments before he morphed back into a child, running after a ball. I looked at the children to my left, searching through trash for the hint of gold, realizing I felt a little like them.  It wouldn't be long before there would be a flash of light and I’d be gone again, the search starting all over.

The clouds started to roll in, lightning crashing from the north and south in perfect synchrony.  When they hit, I’d be gone, racing through time until once again I’d appear just where he was, but how old, I’d never know.  And until I landed right at the moment when we were to first meet, I was nothing but a stranger to him. 

The lightning was closer now, it would be merely seconds.  I blew a kiss to the boy in the red jacket and was sucked in, once again unable to stay with my husband.


I would love if you want to jump over here and vote for me (#44).  Thanks!


23 comments :

Nancy said...

love that ending paragraph.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Like the Time Traveler's Wife, they will almost never be together.
Well done!

Erin Shakespear said...

Oooooh! I like it. Fun and mysterious and with a great twist.

And I'm glad you posted this since I didn't realize the campaign challenge was going on this week! I guess I better get busy...

Tara Tyler said...

time traveler life style is harder than it seems!
good job!

Cherie Reich said...

Aww! It reminds me of the Time Traveler's Wife too. Great job.

Julia King said...

Awww, shucks. I want to cry. Great job at inciting this emotion in me.

Leigh Covington said...

You've got my vote! Great job on this. I'm kind of bummed that I'm missing out on the challenges this time. They sound like lots of fun!

Carol Kilgore said...

Oh. Very cool :)

welcome to my world of poetry said...

Well done on an excellent write.

Yvonne.

KSCollier said...

I love time travel. Hope they find each other. Great story.

Susanna Leonard Hill said...

Nice! It reminds me a little of The Time Traveler's Wife backwards :)

Ashley Nixon said...

Nice! I didn't connect it with The Time Traveler's Wife at first, but now I can see that. Great job!

Morgan said...

Awww... Nice emotion! Just voted for you ;)

Sarah Pearson said...

I do like the twist at the end :-)

David P. King said...

"Striking"ly good imagery, there. I like it. The sense of loss at the end really drove this home. Nice one! :)

Gwen said...

I had to read it a couple of times to get it, it jumped around a lot and I had trouble at first following what was going on. But I get it now! What a sad predicament, but it reminds me of the Doctor's current romance. Love the second paragraph.

#38.

Carrie Butler said...

Very intriguing! Nice job! :)

Kevin Hiatt said...

I really liked it. There are a couple of other time traveler themes, similar in genre but so different in story and delivery. Yours was done very well, very good imagery. I was lost at the first, but the ending tied it together nicely. Off to 'like' it. :)

Kevin, (#19)

Melissa said...

Very nice imagery! Great entry.
Melissa Maygrove #14

C.M.Brown said...

Time travel - interesting! Enjoyed the trip, well done!

Traci Kenworth said...

Interesting. The time-travel was well-done.

mish said...

A wonderful piece - full of emotion!

KSCollier said...

Tasha, you've been tagged on my site. http://www.kscollier1.blogspot.com.
Check it out, you will like this one. It's a great chance to get to know you better. Copy the information from my site and have fun.